Recently I got a call from a woman asking for help. She was pushy. I asked a question about her location (caller ID showed a Tennessee phone number), and she became rude, bordering on hostile. I finally ended the call. After I hung up the phone, a couple of thoughts went through my head: First, if you’re calling the church asking for help, it probably won’t help your cause to be rude.
The second thought was vastly more complicated.
Central to this woman’s story was her son who had dual diagnoses of Down’s syndrome and autism. If her story was even partly true, her behavior made sense. She was a mother whose entire life consists of fighting: fighting for some help from her son’s father, fighting the school system, DSHS, doctors, neighborhood bullies, churches. She fights for her son. If you are a target of her crusade, you will be annoyed. But from a distance, if you have any heart at all, you are compelled to admire the tenacity of this mother, the sole champion of a broken kid.
Mothers aren’t perfect. Some of them are not even good. But most mothers—Christian mothers, Hindu mothers, Muslim mothers, welfare mothers, wealthy mothers—most mothers are naturally and admirably good.
You probably know of good and noble dads, of teachers whose commitment and competence transform kids, of neighbors who care for the adopted granddad next door, of strangers who rescue people from burning cars, of donors who fund The Salvation Army and Mercy Corps.
Human goodness is real. One of the jobs of the church is to celebrate this goodness.
Jesus said we are most like God when we practice indiscriminate generosity (Matthew 5:45). When we, as the community of Jesus, honor the evident goodness around us, we are encouraging others and ourselves in life-giving cooperation with the goodness of God. Part of our calling as a church is to bless and honor ordinary goodness. We honor the drive of mothers to secure food and shelter and health care for their children. We ought to do what we can to shape society so that mothers fighting for the well-being of their children can win. It’s a great challenge, one worthy of the community of Jesus.
But . . .
There is a deeply entrenched tradition in Christianity of denying all human goodness. In its extreme form, this tradition claims every person is evil. And every person is entirely evil. Humans are so thoroughly evil they lack even any desire for goodness. Any apparent goodness is the result of supernatural intervention by God. Any desire to do good is unnatural. All natural desires are evil.
This theology is simply wrong. It is an unfortunate derivative of the writings of the Apostle Paul, especially in Romans 3 where Paul cites a number of passages from the Psalms which lament human evil.
A proper understanding of what the Bible says about the human condition must include an awareness of the many other passages in the Psalms which affirm human goodness. (See examples below.) Paul’s affirmation of the affection and mercy of God in the face of abject human evil gives hope to people overwhelmed by guilt and shame. We should not use his hyperbolic portrayal of human evil to contradict the affirmations of human compassion by Jesus and our own experience of goodness.
Humans are capable of doing good. We are also capable of doing evil. The Spirit of God cooperates with the goodness hardwired into us and the goodness we cultivate. We do our best work to counter evil by celebrating and cultivating goodness.
A selection of passages in the Psalms celebrating human goodness:
Wow… My son Orin is 40 years old today. He is multiply handicapped with autism as one of his diagnoses. He cannot talk – barely walks – wears diapers. You hit a nerve here with your first couple of sentences!
Parents of the handicapped are another sub group of our world that need extra understanding if the church wants to be doing outreach – or “in”reach…. Maybe another argument that women should not only be ordained pastors but should have a say in the inner circles of the church. Orin is also a good argument that pastor John should be cloned – John, you are on of the few who has welcomed Orin into your church – has not been afraid to touch him and pray for him and talk about hos condition. You have been willing to deal with so much of the “real world” that we live in.
As I reflect on 40 years of raising Orin… When he was small it was considered the mother’s fault if a child was autistic. Obviously that mother is cold and uncaring… It was my fault that everything was wrong with him… shame – guilt – no one for guidance how to handle his situation….
I appreciate the pastors who have been willing to pray and anoint Orin. I do not so much appreciate the good Christian brethren who concluded that my son is demon possessed… I do not appreciate those who have taunted my healthy daughter as she was growing up – or the parents who let that happen. I do not appreciate going to the doctor asking about if vitamin supplements would help his nutrition and getting an hour long lecture on how vitamins will not cure him. And it is heartbreaking to have a non-verbal child in pain and not be able to convince the doctor that something is very wrong…
Tears… Frustration… So many times I have been on the edge of survival with Orin. The doctor tells me he is a five person full time job. I am blessed that I have the miracle The Lord sent me a supportive husband. Who marries a woman with such a seriously handicapped child? Years ago in a support group it was noted that most families with autistic children (or children with other serious handicaps) will get divorced within a year or so. What do women do when they have handicapped children and no spousal support?
Yes – what you said about “whose entire life consists of…” is very true. I am isolated because of Orin’s handicaps. It is almost impossible to find a sitter who will change dirty diapers on an adult. It is disruptive to take him to church. I cannot go and visit people – I appreciate when people visit me. I have lost careers that would have allowed me respect and financial security. I will never, as long as Orin is alive – be able to go to Hawaii or Australia or Scotland. My life is consumed by laundry and dishes and cleaning and diapers… and doctor appointments….
When I was younger I once climbed a mountain and aspired to be part of the mountaineers… I used to have music – I used to have reading and writing and hiking and such. Today all I aspire to is getting the laundry caught up so that next time his bed is wet I can have clean bedding….
So, John, thank you for being one who is empathetic. Maybe in all of your writings you can use some of this to argue for women’s ordination. Thank you for being willing to listen to comments and to not white-wash reality.
40 years ago I held Orin on my tummy and God whispered softly in my ear that he would be a child of many tears. That is so… Now the doctor tells me most children like he is have only a 40 year life expectancy. I appreciate that The Lord has provided for me so many times when it looked like there was no hope… I pray that our health will survive longer than Orin’s need for our care. But there will always be tears and frustration and time consuming chores.
I could write a book – you touched a nerve – but thank you for bringing life and hope into our lives. I look forward to seeing Orin in the next world as he is such a neat kid. I wonder what it would have been like if he had been normal – now established in a career with grandchildren for me – having given me joy as he did all those achievements normal kids do as they grow up… He is dear to The Lord – who realizes that? Thank you for mentioning us handicapped mothers….